Watch Out! Watch Out! The Scam Artists Are About!

Tags

Family, France, French, fun, funny, Humor, Relationships, stay-at-home Dad

 

I have endured a spate of thefts since arriving in France and I am under no illusions, and in fact know that it is being perpetrated by a couple of ex-pats.

 

This happens every day, at all hours and can sometimes even happen while I am in my own house, asleep.

 

It’s not huge amounts – but the amount is irrelevant, it’s the fact that it continues to happen that annoys me.

 

I’d like to warn anyone in the 18 region of France to be on the lookout for them – one is seven and the other one is four. They will be all smiles and laughs but then later on you will realise that you are 50 Cents lighter and someone’s nicked all your Ferrero Rochers.

 

Their usual technique is to say ‘Daddy I love you, can I have a cuddle?’ while batting their eyelids. Then while you are cuddling them the other one will be standing on a chair and hunting for your chocolates.

 

I have looked into this but unfortunately it appears that there is no escape, and this scam will continue, unabated, for the next 14 – 20 years and will evolve into other, more sophisticated scams involving lifts home, radio controlled cars and ‘lending’ them a few quid ‘Just till Friday’.

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Wednesday Fun With The Animals…

Tags

animals, Countryside, Farms, France, fun, Humor, Photos, Relationships

Due to French teachers enjoying a glass of wine (or six) with their dinners to mark the half-way point of their working week, I pick the kids up early on Wednesdays. Our favourite thing to do on this day is to go and feed the animals in one of the local farmer’s fields. I say they are farmers, but to be honest they just might be people who enjoy having massive fields, and then shoving some animals in there.

Wouldn’t surprise me in the least, this is France after all where everybody has at least two or three things with four legs.

So here we head, during the week, just me and the kids. It’s a great, cheap way for them to see some animals up close (just the price of a bit of bread, or fruit) and the livestock have got that used to us that we don’t usually have to call them anymore, they just recognise my son’s mass of curls and come shambling over.

It wasn’t like that to start with, back then I had to rattle my (appropriately named) Asda Bag For Life in the air for a few minutes before I got any response. These days though, they are there like a shot.

It must be the nice bread.

Either that or they’ve realised that if they don’t get over quickly my daughter will eat it all (It’s very nice bread).

They don’t like buns though – we’ve discovered that if you offer buns or cakes to the donkeys or the horse, they’ll eat one then sniff your next offering, with a distinct air of mistrust, and refuse any more sweet baked goods.

Although if the goats are there you won’t have any problems off-loading four-day-old cakes  – they will eat anything.

They’ve even tried to eat my son’s hat a few times.

Either that or they were trying to eat my son.

The road that runs alongside the field is well travelled, and one of the weeks while we were feeding the animals a group of French visitors passed us. They made appreciative ‘cooing’ noises and voiced the opinion that it was great to see something like this: a bit of country life in the middle of a city.

I wouldn’t call where we live a city in a million years – but I got their point.

It’s great to be able to open your door on a morning and see ducks, geese and chickens roaming in the fields (and even the odd cow from time to time). And being able to throw on some clothes and be able to feed horses, donkeys and goats within five minute’s walk is also something I don’t think you can put a price on.

The kids love it and it’s such a thing to see, these giant beasts, taking food from their hands in a very delicate manner – as if they know they are small and fragile.

That lasts right up to when one of the goats or sheep get too close, then the horse or the donkeys lose their shit and chase them away. We love feeding them, but there’s definitely a hierarchy going on here – and the sheep and goats are definitely below the horse and his donkey buddies.

So yes, a great activity for me and the kids on a Wednesday.

Oh and if you thought we only fed them when the sun’s shining on a glorious day like today…

 

….you’d be wrong! Nothing stops our Wednesday fun!

My Daughter Isn’t Very Good At Hide-And-Seek…

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Family, fun, funny, games, holidays, Humor, Learning, Photos, stay-at-home Dad

I think she’s kind of grasped the concept, but is taking more of a ‘Monty Python’ approach to it.

 

However as the game went along, she definitely showed improvement…

 

…but still a way to go yet I think!

How To Increase Your French Vocabulary At McDonald’s…

Tags

Family, food, France, French, fun, Humor, Language, Learning

We are in the middle of some seriously miserable weather here in our part of France. It’s basically a case of: Monday – Rain. Tuesday – Rain. Wednesday – Rain and wind. You get the idea. So, as crafts indoors will only get you so far before both you and your kids go insane and start trying to make a giant quilt made from string to cover your house or cat (or both), we decide to head to McDonald’s.

And by ‘We’ I mean ‘Me’. Well, until one of them learns to drive and gets a job I’m the dictator of this small state. At least between the hours of 9am – 6pm, Monday to Friday anyway. I then cede control to my other half.

I always bow down to a superior wage.

Especially when I don’t have one myself.

Anyway so I announce my intention to take us off to McDonald’s for a treat, and am met with happy shouts and cries of ‘Yes! Yes!’ ‘No more crafts!’ ‘Let me just finish stitching the third eye on this bird/crocodile thing!’. My daughter puts down her craft implements, and my son stops painting ‘NO MORR CRAfTs My THumBZ HUrT’ on his picket sign, and we head out the door.

I like our trips to the Golden Arches (TM), it’s not something we do often, for financial reasons as well as health reasons. The health reasons are more for me than the kids. There’s been a lot said about the nutritional balance now available in the meals, but at the end of the day it’s still chips and meat, and not much in the way of vegetables.

Unless you count the gherkins.

Also the kids never finish theirs, which means I invariably hoover up the detritus of their meals. I’m from Yorkshire – we don’t like waste.

So we roll up at the restaurant – eating in as usual as buying at the drive-thru, and eating in the car, is a recipe for everybody going insane. Going home with it isn’t an option either, as we are just distant enough for us to return home to some nicely congealed burgers, and some tepid fries.

The kids – as usual – plump for the Happy Meal, and I input their orders at the self-service kiosk. You can say what you want about stuff like this, how it’s detracting from the customer-service experience; how it’s taking people’s jobs. Say what you will. For me, as an Englishman whose grasp of French isn’t quite there just yet, having all these nice photographs to refer to when placing an order makes it much easier, and less stressful. The kids can see exactly what they want to order too.

We sit down (at our set of three couple’s tables, that should seat six, but my children have dominated the area, much to the annoyance of the other people in the rather crowded restaurant) receive our food and tuck into it. Well, after opening up the toys that is. As with any kids, my children’s priorities are: Toys first, food second.

This week’s promotional toy is from the Mr Men range, the Roger Hargreaves designed range of humorous characters. There seems to be 90 in total to collect. I don’t know if that’s more or less than the total Pokemon.The kids have two each. They hastily swap out the lady and man from each of their bags so that my son is left with two Mr Men awhile my daughter has the two Little Missus. Or Little Mrs. Whatever.

My kids don’t go in for all this gender-neutral nonsense. He likes boy’s toys, she likes girl’s toys, and that’s that as far as they’re concerned.

Once we have finished we head on over to the craft station, a great little corner that is – surprisingly – always empty when we go.

This is where I see the following drawings for the kids to colour in:

In case you are thinking ‘But where are all the ladies? Maybe on the other side of the paper?’. The answer is no, there’s nothing but blank space. There was only one lady to colour in – but she was massive, if that helps:

I found this very educational – please bear with me on this – as along with the pictures for the kids to colour in, there were also guides to the names of the characters – both male and female. Now this may sound silly to you, but with my level of French, things like this are really useful.

The Mr Men characters have always been named after everyday feelings, and effects – like Mr Bump, or Mr Angry, Mr Happy etc. So having a guide, with pictures that correspond to the characters, and give you a clue to what the names mean is a fantastic help for me:

 

I take every bit of help I can when it comes to learning the lingo in this country.

But does that mean that I’m going to try and collect all 90 of the characters?

Non.

My vocabulary would definitely increase if I did.

But so would my waistline.

 

What It’s Like: Watching A Film With My Four-Year-Old Daughter…

Tags

children, cinema, entertainment, Family, film, fun, funny, Humor, kids, Parenting, Relationships, stay-at-home Dad

The following is an example of my daughter’s dialogue, spoken over the first ten minutes of pretty much any film that you could think of, that is suitable for children aged four. It doesn’t matter what genre it is, it will always follow the same pattern…

‘What’s that?’

‘Why are they doing that?’

‘Is he the baddy?’

‘Why is he the baddy?’

‘Is he the baddy?’

‘Why?’

‘Why?’

‘Why?’

‘Why?’

‘Where has she gone?’

‘Can I have some chocolate?’

‘I have not already had some’

‘No’

‘No’

‘No’

‘The baddy is a man?’

‘Why is the baddy a man?’

‘Why?’

‘Why?’

‘Why?’

‘Why is he green?’

‘Are they the goodies?’

‘Why did he break that?’

‘Is it because he is bad?’

‘Is it?’

‘Can I have some more chocolate?’

‘Why not?’

‘Why not?’

‘Pleasssse????’

‘Can I have some more chocolate?’

‘Where are they?’

‘What is that?’

‘Does the baddy want that?

‘Is he the baddy?’

‘I want a cuddle’

‘Are they the goodies?’

‘What is that?’

‘Is that a weapon?’

‘Why did it do that?’

‘What’s a bomb?’

‘Does the baddy want that?’

‘Why?’

‘Why?’

‘Why?’

‘Can I have some chocolate?’

‘Why not?’

‘They are the goodies aren’t they?’

‘They are strong aren’t they?’

‘Daddy you smell bad’

‘And you need a shave’

‘Can I have some chocolate?’

The Christmas Market At Baugy – Cold Enough To Freeze The Balls Off A Brass Monkey!

Tags

christmas, Family, France, French, fun, funny, Humor, Markets, photography, Photos

Nothing screams Christmas like a metal Minion. Handcrafted, and yours for just 750 Euros.

Brrrrr. Whose idea was this? Christmas markets sound lovely in theory, don’t they? Then you get there and there are loads and loads of people, browsing stalls that are – unhappily – selling loads and loads of tat.

Then there are the stalls that are selling artisanal items, handcrafted and carefully painted, they’ve clearly had a lot of effort put into them. You’d hope so anyway, after you look at the price tag. 250 Euros for a Flamingo made out of copper and bamboo? Are you having a laugh?

I also love the fact that – no matter what the theme of the market, or for whatever reason it’s being held – you will always, always find a hook-a-duck stall doing a roaring trade. These things are essentially pound shops with hook-a-ducks stuck on the front of them. And they will always have at least one toy that your child will want, that they can’t have for some reason.

‘So the plastic sword and shield are ok?’. Oui, they will nod at you.

‘And the plastic Slinky is ok?’. Oui, they will nod at you.

‘But not the radio controlled drone with 2.4 megapixel camera?’. Non, they will say to you.

Honestly, hook-a-duck stalls and those carousel* rides are just another form of tax for parents.

I sound like a Christmas-market Grinch don’t I? I do like them, really, but not when they are so busy and sooooooo cold.

You’d think I’d know better, time of year and all. Maybe I should start a campaign to hold Christmas markets in June, and then limit the amount of attendees to something reasonable. Like ten people. That’s me, the missus, the kids and 6 stall holders.

And nobody is allowed to sell goods in excess of 30 Euros.

And no smelly cheeses.

And no stalls selling tat.

And no tiny dogs that I keep nearly stepping on.

Bah humbug.

Anyway, enough moaning. We went to one near us in Baugy recently, a quaint little village tucked away in central France. It had the usual stuff. Here are some photographs for you to have a look at.

Oh, and in case I haven’t impressed it upon you enough – IT WAS BLOODY COLD.

And that’s coming from a Yorkshire man.

Enjoy!

42% of this shot is pavement – I had it measured by Yourphotographyskillssuck.fr

 

Bit more like it, nice Christmas tree – note women who has 5% of face visible, did I mention it was cold?

 

Yes, that is indeed a 1100 litre Rubbermaid Brute wheelie bin. Magnificent isn’t she?

 

Here we have a depiction of the lesser-known Santa, Freak Santa, so called because he has no arms, and he’s been in the game that long that his sack has fused to his body. Poor Freak Santa.

 

Another fabulous shot of mostly-pavement.

 

Note the juxtaposition of the foreground star and background tree, such a union of Christmas imagery that one’s soul could weep. Actually no, it was the cold making my eyes water.

 

I had tried to trick my kids into entering this, allowing me to then leave them safely trapped within it. But they are wise to my ways, and now carry wire-cutters and stihl saws with them at all times, so that they can break out of whatever I try and lock them inside of.

 

Oh joy. Oh Christmas. Oh wow. I can’t feel my fingers anymore. And I’ve just asked somebody for a ‘Verre ob hob chobolabe’ because my lips have gone numb.

 

38% pavement.

 

Every single person in this shot is thinking the same thing: ‘It’s bloody cold, I don’t want a 5 foot metal butterfly for my garden, can we go home now?’.

 

Take one shed. Add Christmas lights. Hey Presto! One Christmas-themed shed! This one sold Monster energy drinks in case you are wondering.

 

All I want for Christmas is a pair of scissors and five minutes alone with Giant-Inflatable-Santa.

 

Now this was more like it! She had heat, she had sausages…but no brown sauce 😦

 

Look who’s eyeballing me – it looks like Mark Lamarr! Could be too, I’ve not seen him in years.

 

These Santas seem to have gotten quite commercial. This was the third we’d seen at various markets, and they all had professional photographers with them. We didn’t hang around to see what they were charging.

 

52% pavement

 

That poor man with no hair and no hat. Can you get a frostbite of the head?

 

This has to be the worst picture of the lot. Why have I even put this in here?

 

‘Mummy mummy, buy us some rubbish that we will later lose interest in and/or break. Buy it for us, or we will make your life hell for the next 30-90 minutes’.

 

I hope you enjoyed my photographical-feast**, full of positivism and love for all the things that make a Christmas market in France what it is.

Next time I will wear gloves.

And stay at home.

Have a lovely Christmas everyone xxx

 

*You know the ones I’m talking about, loads of cars and helicopters and crocodiles with badly painted Disney characters on them going round in a circle. They always dangles some weird-looking thing down so your kid can grab it and have another go for ‘free’. I say for free like that – in inverted commas – because they generally target parents with more than one kid on the ride. This is because they know that the other kid(s) will immediately kick off and so they will be forced to pay for another go round for the other child as well. Win-win for the carousel-owner.

**Yes, I know photographical isn’t a word. It’s redlined – twice – as I’m typing this. I don’t care.

My First Film In A French Cinema…

Tags

cinema, entertainment, Family, Films, France, French, fun, Humor

 

Went to see my first film in a French cinema today – no subtitles, all in French.

 

It was a harrowing tale of an illegal immigrant who has made his way to England, and settled in with a family, only to have his life turned upside-down when he is wrongfully accused of burglary.

 

The film then follows his life as it further deteriorates after he is imprisoned.

 

All hope is not lost though and, with the help of his heretofore under-utilised culinary skills, he manages to charm the other prisoners, and is accepted as one of them, despite his strange mannerisms and foreign ways.

 

The community where he used to live is seen to fall apart without him, as he is clearly shown to be the ‘glue’ that held it all together.

 

 

I won’t spoil any more of the film, or the ending for you, but will just say that Paddington 2 is very, very good.

 

Belote – A Dummies’ Guide For English Players. Part 3: Using The Online App

Tags

Apps, Card Games, Cards, English, entertainment, Ex-Pats, France, French, fun, Learning, Teaching, technology

 

In the final part of my Belote guide I’m going to introduce you to the online app that allows you to play this game on a daily basis. I cannot emphasise this enough – if you want to get good at Belote USE THIS APP. It’s a fantastic, easy to use way of sharpening up your game and taking you from the player who gets on everyone’s nerves – because you keep forgetting the rules – to the player that people have to watch out for, because you’ve suddenly become much, much better.

The app can be found here is free to download, and can even be played while you are browsing Facebook. A word of warning on the ‘free’ part. Like all of these other free games there is a definite hint that you can, if you wish, spend money on this game through the process of buying more chips to play DO NOT DO THIS. I have been using this app to refine my game for the last few years, do you know how much I have spent? Nothing. Not a single penny.

The way to do this is easy. When you sign up for it you are given 2,000 chips to play. Each game you play ‘professionally’ that is, with other players, costs you 200 chips to ‘buy in’. You will then win 250 back if you are successful (so a 50 chip profit). There are different levels you can play at, where the stakes are higher, but stay on the ‘Relax’ level (that’s its name) and you won’t go far wrong.

Every day you go online and play, the app will invite you to ‘spin a wheel’ that grants you free chips. This can be anywhere from 100 – 400 chips (rarely 400 though). This helps to top up your chips for free. Another way of adding free chips is to ‘befriend’ other players during gameplay. This is not like adding friends on Facebook – they won’t suddenly start ‘liking’ your statuses. No, they are your friends on the Belote app, and that’s the only place they will see you, and you will see them.

These players can become your friends by simply hovering above their faces whilst playing – the options to add them are there. In the early days of playing I would say add as many players as you can. What happens then is each day these people can send you presents, and you can send them presents back. These presents take the form of chips and range from 11 – 18 chips (or so). These chips are not taken from your existing pot, but rather are a bonus amount that you have in seemingly infinite supply (but only to give as presents). This may not sound like much but if you have 20+ players sending you chips per day, coupled with the free spin each day and conservative play (stick to the relax level) you can see what I mean when I say you never have to spend a penny.

If you do ever run out of chips however there is the training mode of the game that you can fall back on, until you have enough chips from free spins and presents to get back in.

The training mode sees you pitted against three computer players, and costs you nothing. This is where you will start out on the app, before you are deemed good enough to move up to the relax level. I would strongly recommend you stay at this level – training that is – until you have enough confidence in yourself to play with real people on the relax level. each day you practice at this you will also be entitled to free spins, so do make the most of them.

If you do have the odd losing streak – and I’ve had more than my fair share of them – then simply turn it off and call it a day. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

If I had anything negative to say about the app it’s this – it will have the occasional glitch. This could be down to too many players, system updates etc I don’t know, I’m not a programmer. What this means though is that from time to time your game may freeze, other players may disappear and strange things may happen. Sometimes this passes, but sometimes it doesn’t and you will need to reset the game. Unfortunately this may often cost you your stake – so bye bye 200 chips. People have told me that you can complain on the Twitter feed of the game makers, and they will send you your chips plus extra for your time. I don’t know if this is true because, to be honest, I couldn’t be arsed with that – I just reset and reload. If it happens more than twice in a short period of time though then give it up for the day – there’s clearly an issue.

That’s about all you need to know about the app. In case you are wondering I have no stake in people clicking on the link to the game’s site. I get nothing back financially, and I am not affiliated with the creators in any way. I just recognise it for the fantastic learning tool that it is. Play it, learn from it, then take it and let it loose on your French friends – they won’t know what hit them!

 

 

So that’s all from my guide on how to play Belote. I hope you’ve enjoyed it, and I hope it all made sense. I think that a combination of reading this guide, using the app and playing with friends, should be all you need to become a seasoned pro at Belote!

 

Belote – A Dummies’ Guide For English Players. Part 2: Hints And Tips

Tags

Card Games, English, ex-pat, France, French, fun, games, Learning, Questions, Teaching

 

You’ve now – hopefully – read my first part on how to play this game, but that was just the basics. If you want to know more, and particularly if you want to improve your game, then read on, as I impart my accumulated, incredibly valuable wisdom (all 8 year’s worth of it anyway)…

 

• If your partner chooses the atout and it is not their turn to commence play at the start, but it is yours, then if you have an atout help them out by playing it. This will then hopefully enable them to ‘take control’ of the game.

 

• If you don’t have an atout, but do have a number of cards from another suit, then play a card from that – but NOT the ace or ten – this may then mean that your opponents will play a higher card and your partner may then be able to cut their play (or possibly cut your play, if you are winning) and take control.

 

• When you are deciding whether to pick the atout, never forget the strength of Belote, if you have the king and queen of the offered atout then this can greatly aid in victory.

 

• If you play a card of a non-atout suit and one of your opponents plays a ten – and it is not played for their benefit i.e they will lose it – this generally means that they do not have any other cards in that suit. You can then exploit this – especially if you suspect them of having an atout – by playing from that same suit again on the next turn (assuming you are in control). This will then force them to play any atout they may have.

 

• When you decide to pick an atout, always do it with a decent balance of ‘back up’ cards. By this I mean non-atout cards that are powerful in their own right – think aces, tens etc. A hand with three to four atout cards and two aces is an almost guaranteed win.

 

• If you have a ten and a lower card from the same suit you can try to ‘sniff out’ where the ace of that suit is by playing the lower card first (sacrificing it in the process). Then, once the ace is out of play, you will be able to win this suit when it next comes into play – as long as there are no atouts left in your opponents’ hands.

 

• Never play a high atout card if you can help it – unless it is for the benefit of your partner. If you have three atout and your opponents are playing to try and find them then – as long as they play a higher card – always play the lowest value card first. So if they play a jack – and you have the ace, the ten and the seven atout – play the seven first. Then when they play the nine, you play the ten. This will then mean that the atout you have left – the ace – is now the highest atout in the game (and you will see that your opponents will suddenly stop searching for atout when they realise this).

 

• KEEP AN EYE ON ALL THE CARDS PLAYED there are eight cards for all four suits being played. Being aware of what has – and hasn’t – been played is a massive factor in winning. For instance if you get to the last few hands and all atouts have been played, if you have three of any suit and you know that all the other cards in that suit have been played – and you are in control of play – you have effectively won the game. So it’s your turn to play, and you have the nine,eight and seven of hearts, and nobody else has any hearts or any atouts, you are ‘maitre’ – or guaranteed to win – for the remainder of the game, and nobody can challenge you.

 

• ALWAYS GIVE YOUR PARTNER POINTS if they are maitre and you do not have anything in the suit they are playing, or an atout if they are playing atout, then give them points. An ace, ten, king, queen or jack – only give them a nine, eight or seven if you don’t have anything else. Never forget, the points are always better in your ‘pot’ NEVER GIVE THE OTHER TEAM POINTS!

 

• If you want to go for ‘capote’ e.g win all the points in the game and thus the maximum points then the above rule may not apply. By this I mean that you may not wish to give away your ace to your partner, if you think you can use it later on to win a hand. This goes back to what I said above, about keeping an eye on who has played what card, and how many of them are left in the game.

 

• As a rule NEVER play your aces unless you know that you can take the hand. For example, if it’s your turn to play and there are still a full set of eight atout out there, then there’s a high risk that one of your opponents will cut it, and take a big bite out of your possible points.

 

• To repeat the previous points it should be particularly evident that, if you have five to six cards from the same suit, and they are not atout, then you should not play the ace as this will guarantee it will be cut. You can use this situation to your advantage though – don’t play the ace but play a lesser card and you may force you opponent to use up an atout on a card that will net them zero points.

 

• If it’s your turn to decide if you want to play the atout card or not, be careful what you choose. If the card offered is a jack it can be tempting if you have the nine of that suit – then you have the two most powerful atout cards. However if you don’t then receive more atout cards when the remaining cards are dealt you will then be left in a precarious position. If you have to cut a non-atout card you will have to use one of these, and it will be a clear signal to your opponents that you only have one more atout. They can then exploit this. Additionally even if you play the jack and the nine, if your opponents have more atout you will then be at their mercy. This would be where those ‘back up’ cards would come in handy, but if you don’t have any of those, you may be in trouble.

 

• Sometimes, for your own benefit, you may have to cut your partner’s hand, even if they are winning. An example of this, there was a hand I played once with my father-in-law. He was winning with ace of hearts, no atout had been played yet, and I had four atout. However I had Belote (king and queen) the ten and the nine atout. Thus from his position it could have come about that if he played atout – and it wasn’t the jack – then, due to the ascending order rule and my position at the table, I may have been forced to play my nine – and lose it. Essentially if he had played his eight, the player to my left had played the ace, I would then have been forced to play my nine and the opponent to my right could then have taken everything with their jack. Cutting him this way (which was not a popular move by the way – the French find these kinds of moves startling, but smile once you explain) meant that I had control of the game, could play an atout that we could afford to lose, and could find the jack at a relatively low cost.

 

So there you go, I hope those tips will help you in your game play, and I hope they are relatively clear and easy to understand. I will come back to this section from time to time to update it, to share more tips and hints as I discover them. Please now have a look at my third and final section on Belote – playing the online app…

 

French Shopping Trolleys Abused By The English!

Tags

Family, France, French, fun, funny, Humor, kids, Photos, shopping

In case you are wondering, while they don’t say anything, I get the feeling that the staff at Intermarche ( a French chain of supermarkets)  frown about this misuse of mini trolleys.

 

Plus points? It allows your kids to comfortably play the motion-control game that your son insists on playing (‘just for five minutes daddy’) every time you go in there. Your daughter can also sit beside him as though she’s at the cinema, and ensure that she is in ‘striking distance’ for when it inevitably kicks off.

 

Negative points? You try pushing two of these while carrying a pack of beer, a pizza, a loaf of bread and some milk (yes, ‘les essentials’) it’s not easy and balancing them on the kids just looks wrong.

 

They do make an excellent battering ram though, if you encounter any ‘dawdlers’ in the chilled meats section.