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Mr Mum: The 'joy' of a stay-at-home dad

~ Now based in France!

Mr Mum: The 'joy' of a stay-at-home dad

Category Archives: games

Games I Play With My Kids (That I Invented)…

28 Tuesday May 2019

Posted by Phil in games

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

entertainment, Family, fun, funny, games, Humor, Humour, kids, Life, Relationships, stay-at-home Dad

 

There are loads of games you can play with your kids aren’t there? Hide n’ Seek, tag, musical statues, sleeping lions etc. I however have become a pioneer in this field and have decided to do what no other parent has ever done: I have invented my own kids’ games.

Wow! I mean, I bet your mind is blown right now, isn’t it?*

So without further ado here is my current selection of games. I say current because the games change as they grow older, and what they love today they may not necessarily love next week. Or tomorrow for that matter.

 

To The Moon

For: both kids

Necessary props? A swing set

This game involves me having one or more of my kids on the swings. I then ‘check their tickets’, these tickets being purely imaginary. All details on the tickets have to correspond with each child, and they must agree with each and every detail. So for instance if I say that their name is Lord Poopy Pants the Third, and that their favourite hobby is eating rotten squids with snails, then they have to agree.

I also say all this in an South African accent. I do not know why I do this.

Once they have agreed to all details on the tickets then they may ‘go to the moon’. This simply involves me counting down from 1,000,000 or sometimes just 100 in a very haphazard manner e.g: 999, 12, 6, 57, ZERO! And I then launch them as hard as I safely can on the swings.

I am then obliged to relaunch them multiple times, verifying new details on new tickets each time, and must also keep their momentum up by pushing them several times – even though they both now know how to do it themselves.

 

Plants VS Zombies

For: both kids

Necessary props? just us

 

This is a variation on the popular mobile video game. Except played in real life of course. Now before you start thinking I am one of those amazing parents who designs plant costumes for his kids, and wears authentic zombie make-up to chase them around the garden let me reassure you: I could honestly not be bothered to do any of that, so it’s just me in my coat (depending on the weather) slowly chasing my kids around the garden and moaning and shambling like a zombie.

I am always the zombie. They let me be a plant once, oh what a happy day that was.

I also get hit now and again as the kids have to ‘defeat’ me, and they are both at that age where they are somewhat dangerous. My son because he is eight and can throw things with some force, and my daughter because she is five and is at the same level as my testicles.

 

Poo Lamps

For: my daughter

Necessary props? lights and a dark night (is nighttime a prop?)

This game is one which we generally play at night before bedtime. This is because it involves us looking out of our upstairs bedroom window and counting how many poo lamps we can see.

Now for the uninitiated – by which I mean everyone – poo lamps are poos that have been laid by cats in our garden that glow in the night.

In reality they are actually my many, many solar lights and any other neighbourhood lights that may be lit at that time. So three solar lights, two lights in the neighbour’s house = five poo lamps that night.

Sometimes my daughter improvises and counts the moon and the stars too. On nights like that the game can go on a while.

As it’s not dark now until after she goes to bed she has taken to counting the next-door neighbour’s chickens – around ten of them in total – and she still classifies them as poo lamps…

 

Pizza Delivery Foot Phone Call

For: my daughter

Necessary props? one of my daughter’s sweaty little feet

This game involves me using one of my daughter’s feet as a mock telephone. I place one of these damp little things – left or right, we have no set preference – next to my ear and pretend to phone a pizza shop. My daughter is the ‘chef’ and answers the call. I then place an order and verify each item, however I must always, always pretend to get annoyed with her if she does not have what I ask, or if she has something that I think she shouldn’t. Here’s a brief example:

Me: Can I order a pizza please?

Her: Yes of course, what would you like on it?

Me: Can I have mushrooms?

Her: Yes.

Me: And do you sell Anchovies?

Her: Yes.

Me: Why would you sell Anchovies? they are disgusting and taste awful, you should be shut down for serving those things they smell like poo and make my eyes water! You know each time you eat an Anchovie a demon is born in hell? What are you thinking?

Her: (laughing) OK! OK! We won’t sell Anchovies any more

 

And so on…

 

I Can’t Talk Properly Because My Son Is Crushing My Chest With His Powerful Muscles And Making My Voice Go All Funny

For: my son (surprise, surprise!)

Necessary props? Just me and my son

My son is at that age where he thinks he is very strong and likes to display this power by occasionally pushing over his five-year-old sister and squashing my chest. So this game involves me lying in bed next to him and just having a casual chat with him about day-to-day life. While I am talking however he will start pushing himself – using his bedside cabinet as leverage – into my side and so making my chest constrict and causing my voice to alter.

Of course as my son weighs about the same as a bag of sugar this means I have to pretend that he is very strong and he is doing this, when in fact I am just modulating my voice, much to his amusement. My son is however made out of elbows. Hard, bony elbows, approximately 67 I would guess, and these things can really dig into you. The result is that the next day you generally end up with a new bruise that you didn’t have before.

But at least he doesn’t bite like his sister.

 

 

So that’s the current crop of games that I have invented for my kids, your read it here first, you don’t need to be constrained by the world’s selection, you can make your own!

All it takes is a bit of imagination and a desire to make your kids shut their bloody mouths for more than five minutes.

 

 

*Tune in next time when I will be showing you how you can teach your kids to go the wrong way UP A SLIDE! OMG! Rule breaker right here!!!

 

My Daughter Isn’t Very Good At Hide-And-Seek…

02 Friday Mar 2018

Posted by Phil in games

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Family, fun, funny, games, holidays, Humor, Learning, Photos, stay-at-home Dad

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I think she’s kind of grasped the concept, but is taking more of a ‘Monty Python’ approach to it.

 

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However as the game went along, she definitely showed improvement…

 

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…but still a way to go yet I think!

Belote – A Dummies’ Guide For English Players. Part 3: Using The Online App

16 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by Phil in games

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Apps, Card Games, Cards, English, entertainment, Ex-Pats, France, French, fun, Learning, Teaching, technology

Logo-Belote

 

In the final part of my Belote guide I’m going to introduce you to the online app that allows you to play this game on a daily basis. I cannot emphasise this enough – if you want to get good at Belote USE THIS APP. It’s a fantastic, easy to use way of sharpening up your game and taking you from the player who gets on everyone’s nerves – because you keep forgetting the rules – to the player that people have to watch out for, because you’ve suddenly become much, much better.

The app can be found here is free to download, and can even be played while you are browsing Facebook. A word of warning on the ‘free’ part. Like all of these other free games there is a definite hint that you can, if you wish, spend money on this game through the process of buying more chips to play DO NOT DO THIS. I have been using this app to refine my game for the last few years, do you know how much I have spent? Nothing. Not a single penny.

The way to do this is easy. When you sign up for it you are given 2,000 chips to play. Each game you play ‘professionally’ that is, with other players, costs you 200 chips to ‘buy in’. You will then win 250 back if you are successful (so a 50 chip profit). There are different levels you can play at, where the stakes are higher, but stay on the ‘Relax’ level (that’s its name) and you won’t go far wrong.

Every day you go online and play, the app will invite you to ‘spin a wheel’ that grants you free chips. This can be anywhere from 100 – 400 chips (rarely 400 though). This helps to top up your chips for free. Another way of adding free chips is to ‘befriend’ other players during gameplay. This is not like adding friends on Facebook – they won’t suddenly start ‘liking’ your statuses. No, they are your friends on the Belote app, and that’s the only place they will see you, and you will see them.

These players can become your friends by simply hovering above their faces whilst playing – the options to add them are there. In the early days of playing I would say add as many players as you can. What happens then is each day these people can send you presents, and you can send them presents back. These presents take the form of chips and range from 11 – 18 chips (or so). These chips are not taken from your existing pot, but rather are a bonus amount that you have in seemingly infinite supply (but only to give as presents). This may not sound like much but if you have 20+ players sending you chips per day, coupled with the free spin each day and conservative play (stick to the relax level) you can see what I mean when I say you never have to spend a penny.

If you do ever run out of chips however there is the training mode of the game that you can fall back on, until you have enough chips from free spins and presents to get back in.

The training mode sees you pitted against three computer players, and costs you nothing. This is where you will start out on the app, before you are deemed good enough to move up to the relax level. I would strongly recommend you stay at this level – training that is – until you have enough confidence in yourself to play with real people on the relax level. each day you practice at this you will also be entitled to free spins, so do make the most of them.

If you do have the odd losing streak – and I’ve had more than my fair share of them – then simply turn it off and call it a day. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

If I had anything negative to say about the app it’s this – it will have the occasional glitch. This could be down to too many players, system updates etc I don’t know, I’m not a programmer. What this means though is that from time to time your game may freeze, other players may disappear and strange things may happen. Sometimes this passes, but sometimes it doesn’t and you will need to reset the game. Unfortunately this may often cost you your stake – so bye bye 200 chips. People have told me that you can complain on the Twitter feed of the game makers, and they will send you your chips plus extra for your time. I don’t know if this is true because, to be honest, I couldn’t be arsed with that – I just reset and reload. If it happens more than twice in a short period of time though then give it up for the day – there’s clearly an issue.

That’s about all you need to know about the app. In case you are wondering I have no stake in people clicking on the link to the game’s site. I get nothing back financially, and I am not affiliated with the creators in any way. I just recognise it for the fantastic learning tool that it is. Play it, learn from it, then take it and let it loose on your French friends – they won’t know what hit them!

 

 

So that’s all from my guide on how to play Belote. I hope you’ve enjoyed it, and I hope it all made sense. I think that a combination of reading this guide, using the app and playing with friends, should be all you need to become a seasoned pro at Belote!

 

falling-playing-cards

Belote – A Dummies’ Guide For English Players. Part 2: Hints And Tips

16 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by Phil in games

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Card Games, English, ex-pat, France, French, fun, games, Learning, Questions, Teaching

Logo-Belote

 

You’ve now – hopefully – read my first part on how to play this game, but that was just the basics. If you want to know more, and particularly if you want to improve your game, then read on, as I impart my accumulated, incredibly valuable wisdom (all 8 year’s worth of it anyway)…

 

  • If your partner chooses the atout and it is not their turn to commence play at the start, but it is yours, then if you have an atout help them out by playing it. This will then hopefully enable them to ‘take control’ of the game.

 

  • If you don’t have an atout, but do have a number of cards from another suit, then play a card from that – but NOT the ace or ten – this may then mean that your opponents will play a higher card and your partner may then be able to cut their play (or possibly cut your play, if you are winning) and take control.

 

  • When you are deciding whether to pick the atout, never forget the strength of Belote, if you have the king and queen of the offered atout then this can greatly aid in victory.

 

  • If you play a card of a non-atout suit and one of your opponents plays a ten – and it is not played for their benefit i.e they will lose it – this generally means that they do not have any other cards in that suit. You can then exploit this – especially if you suspect them of having an atout – by playing from that same suit again on the next turn (assuming you are in control). This will then force them to play any atout they may have.

 

  • When you decide to pick an atout, always do it with a decent balance of ‘back up’ cards. By this I mean non-atout cards that are powerful in their own right – think aces, tens etc. A hand with three to four atout cards and two aces is an almost guaranteed win.

 

  • If you have a ten and a lower card from the same suit you can try to ‘sniff out’ where the ace of that suit is by playing the lower card first (sacrificing it in the process). Then, once the ace is out of play, you will be able to win this suit when it next comes into play – as long as there are no atouts left in your opponents’ hands.

 

  • Never play a high atout card if you can help it – unless it is for the benefit of your partner. If you have three atout and your opponents are playing to try and find them then – as long as they play a higher card – always play the lowest value card first. So if they play a jack – and you have the ace, the ten and the seven atout – play the seven first. Then when they play the nine, you play the ten. This will then mean that the atout you have left – the ace – is now the highest atout in the game (and you will see that your opponents will suddenly stop searching for atout when they realise this).

 

  • KEEP AN EYE ON ALL THE CARDS PLAYED there are eight cards for all four suits being played. Being aware of what has – and hasn’t – been played is a massive factor in winning. For instance if you get to the last few hands and all atouts have been played, if you have three of any suit and you know that all the other cards in that suit have been played – and you are in control of play – you have effectively won the game. So it’s your turn to play, and you have the nine,eight and seven of hearts, and nobody else has any hearts or any atouts, you are ‘maitre’ – or guaranteed to win – for the remainder of the game, and nobody can challenge you.

 

  • ALWAYS GIVE YOUR PARTNER POINTS if they are maitre and you do not have anything in the suit they are playing, or an atout if they are playing atout, then give them points. An ace, ten, king, queen or jack – only give them a nine, eight or seven if you don’t have anything else. Never forget, the points are always better in your ‘pot’ NEVER GIVE THE OTHER TEAM POINTS!

 

  • If you want to go for ‘capote’ e.g win all the points in the game and thus the maximum points then the above rule may not apply. By this I mean that you may not wish to give away your ace to your partner, if you think you can use it later on to win a hand. This goes back to what I said above, about keeping an eye on who has played what card, and how many of them are left in the game.

 

  • As a rule NEVER play your aces unless you know that you can take the hand. For example, if it’s your turn to play and there are still a full set of eight atout out there, then there’s a high risk that one of your opponents will cut it, and take a big bite out of your possible points.

 

  • To repeat the previous points it should be particularly evident that, if you have five to six cards from the same suit, and they are not atout, then you should not play the ace as this will guarantee it will be cut. You can use this situation to your advantage though – don’t play the ace but play a lesser card and you may force you opponent to use up an atout on a card that will net them zero points.

 

  • If it’s your turn to decide if you want to play the atout card or not, be careful what you choose. If the card offered is a jack it can be tempting if you have the nine of that suit – then you have the two most powerful atout cards. However if you don’t then receive more atout cards when the remaining cards are dealt you will then be left in a precarious position. If you have to cut a non-atout card you will have to use one of these, and it will be a clear signal to your opponents that you only have one more atout. They can then exploit this. Additionally even if you play the jack and the nine, if your opponents have more atout you will then be at their mercy. This would be where those ‘back up’ cards would come in handy, but if you don’t have any of those, you may be in trouble.

 

  • Sometimes, for your own benefit, you may have to cut your partner’s hand, even if they are winning. An example of this, there was a hand I played once with my father-in-law. He was winning with ace of hearts, no atout had been played yet, and I had four atout. However I had Belote (king and queen) the ten and the nine atout. Thus from his position it could have come about that if he played atout – and it wasn’t the jack – then, due to the ascending order rule and my position at the table, I may have been forced to play my nine – and lose it. Essentially if he had played his eight, the player to my left had played the ace, I would then have been forced to play my nine and the opponent to my right could then have taken everything with their jack. Cutting him this way (which was not a popular move by the way – the French find these kinds of moves startling, but smile once you explain) meant that I had control of the game, could play an atout that we could afford to lose, and could find the jack at a relatively low cost.

 

So there you go, I hope those tips will help you in your game play, and I hope they are relatively clear and easy to understand. I will come back to this section from time to time to update it, to share more tips and hints as I discover them. Please now have a look at my third and final section on Belote – playing the online app…

 

falling-playing-cards

Belote – A Dummies’ Guide For English Players. Part 1: How To Play

16 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by Phil in games

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Tags

Card Games, Cards, Culture, English, Ex-Pats, France, French, games, Learning, Teaching

Logo-Belote

 

This is part one in a three-part series, part two can be found here and the third part here.

 

Frequent visitors to my blog may be unaware of the fact that I am part of a Facebook group, one that was created to educate (and entertain) people interested in living in France (or indeed people that already live here). The group’s membership is mainly made up of ex-pats from the UK, Australia, America and other predominantly English-speaking territories. You, my frequent visitor, will be unaware of my membership of this group because, until now, I’ve never mentioned it. So there you go. Boom! Just rocked your world with that news haven’t I?

 

Anyway, back to the point in hand. I decided to help these poor people out, by trying to teach them how to play Belote – a tricky task as you will soon discover.

 

Belote, for the uninitiated, is a popular French card game played in groups of four, subdivided into teams of two. It’s a very competitive game played throughout France, in homes among friends, and in halls as part of serious tournaments. The first prize isn’t money, or a car, or a holiday to Benidorm. No, as a rule you win a ham. So any competitive vegetarians can stop reading now.

ham-2

 

Oh and even if you come dead last they still give you some meat (chicken).

 

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I’m going to do my best to help them and also you, my frequent visitor, learn how to play this fantastic game. Belote is a tricky beast to master, and that’s coming from someone who’s been playing for years, but hopefully this guide will give you a solid grounding.

 

I will try to make this as comprehensive and user-friendly as possible, I will also do my best to make it entertaining, but not at the expense of the learning experience and – let’s face it – there really are only so many jokes you can make about a card game (even a French one) before it gets tiresome.

 

So, as you may or may not be aware, there are two options when it comes to learning how to play Belote:

 

  1. You can learn the way I learned and that’s to play with the natives. This will involve many hours of wine, fun, laughter and abuse as you fail again, and again to wrap your head around the rules. You will never forget the many, many occasions that you were subjected to a stream of angry French, as you caused your team to lose for the third consecutive time. The red glow that seemed to emanate from your partner’s eyes as you placed the wrong card down at the wrong time – again! – will haunt your dreams. But hey! It’s only a game right? At least that’s what you tried to explain to your partner, as his hands closed around your windpipe, and you desperately wished you had a better grasp of French or – as darkness crept into your vision, you began to faintly hear your long-deceased grandmother gently calling your name, and a bright light began to shine down on you from above – at least knew enough to say ‘Hey! It’s only a game, right?’

 

2.      Or you can read a guide like this one…

 

So I will start this with the view that the person reading it has never played the game before, and wishes to play with friends who are similarly clueless as to the rules. So we will start with a breakdown of the cards, their names in French, what that ‘atout’ business is all about, and follow this with the rules, before wrapping the whole thing up with a breakdown of the scoring system.

 

THE CARDS, THEIR NAMES AND WHAT ‘ATOUT’ MEANS

 

So there may well be repetition of some things in this guide, as I will be going over the names of the cards you play with here, and then will reiterate that, again and again, further on. I cannot stress this enough – REPETITION IS A GOOD THING. This is not an easy game to master, so I’m trying to get the message across to you as best I can, by hammering it home, again and again.

 

Order Of Card Values If Played As Atout

Jack – the most powerful card in the game and called ‘valet’ in French.

Nine – second most powerful  called (quelle surprise) ‘neuf’.

Ace – goes by ‘as’ over here (watch the spelling on that one)

Ten – simply ‘dix’.

King – is called ‘roi’

Queen – is called ‘dame’

Eight – You probably know where I’m going with this now but if not this is ‘huit’

Seven – Yes, it’s called ‘sept’.

 

Example – If opponent plays the 9 and you have the jack – you can take the 9 with your jack

 

Something to note is that if you have the king and the queen atout then this constitutes ‘Belote’ and will give you extra points (more on that in the points section later). Remember this applies even if YOU HAVE NOT CHOSEN THE ATOUT YOURSELF.

 

Order Of Card Values If Not Played As Atout

Ace

Ten

King

Queen

Jack

Nine

Eight

Seven

 

Example – If  opponent plays 10 and you have the ace, you can take that ten with your ace – BUT ONLY IF IT IS OF THE SAME SUIT – UNLESS IS IT ATOUT AN ACE OF CLUBS WILL NOT BEAT A TEN OF HEARTS!

 

The suits themselves go by different names over here too, they are:

 

Hearts = ‘coeur’

Diamonds = ‘carreau’

Clubs = ‘trefle’

Spades = ‘pique’

 

YOU KEEP SAYING ‘ATOUT’! WHAT THE HELL DOES ‘ATOUT’ MEAN???

So down to this atout business. As I said above, the cards follow that order only if they have been chosen as atout. Atout is effectively a trump card and can be used to take other players trump cards or – if during gameplay they place a card from a suit that you do not have a card from, then you can take that hand by ‘cutting’ their play. So for instance if someone plays the ace of hearts, and you don’t have any hearts then you can take this hand by playing something as lowly as a seven, as long as it’s atout – that’s how strong the atout is.

Atouts – where possible – must be played in ascending order e.g if the player to your left puts down the ten atout and you have a higher card – say the nine for instance – then you HAVE TO PLAY HIGHER. If you do not have a higher card e.g the player to your left places the ace atout, but all you have are the king and the eight, then you are free to choose which card you put down (this is known as ‘pee pee’ in France) – and always play your weaker hand if it is for the benefit of your opponents – your stronger card may well come in useful later on.

When playing non-atout cards these rules do not apply and you can play any cards you want. So if the player to your left plays the king of hearts, even if you have the ace of hearts you can play a lower card if you wish to do so BUT ONLY FROM THE SAME SUIT.

 

So that’s a bit about the values of the cards and atouts, let’s get down to some actual game-playing now…

 

GETTING STARTED

Four people playing cards, 1899

First things first, you need the right amount of players – how many’s that? Like so many other card games four is the magic number for Belote. There are variations that can be played with just two people but that’s somewhat advanced, and thus best left for another day, and another guide.

This group of four players is then divided into two teams of two, each member of each team must sit facing their partner, they cannot sit side by side. How you organise who plays with who is entirely up to you. If you play with the same group for quite a while you will begin to see who you play best with – this may not necessarily be the person you get on best with, or sleep with for that matter. I get my best results from playing with my French father-in-law, and yet I wouldn’t kiss him if you paid me.

So assuming you have your foursome, you now need to obtain a pack of cards. From this pack of cards you need to remove the two, three, four, five, and six from every suit. You should then be left with the following cards: ace, jack, king, queen, ten, nine, eight and seven.

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This is what you should have left after removing the other cards

Make a mental note that this means there will be EIGHT CARDS FOR EVERY SUIT INCLUDING THE CHOSEN ATOUT’S SUIT. This might sound patronising but keeping this simple detail in your mind can be difficult during play, but is one of the key components to success in Belote.

Shuffle the deck and then have each of the players pick out a card. Whoever has the highest card will then have first choice of whether to pick the atout or not when play commences. Once this is done put the cards back together and then split the pile in two. Pass it to a player – NOT the player who gets first dibs though – and they must then rejoin the pile in the opposite order to the way it was originally split.

You must then deal out the cards  – face down so that they are not visible – to each player. There are two ways of doing this, you can either deal out three cards to each player initially, and then two – so that each player is left with a pile of five cards – or you can do the reverse: two cards then three. All players should keep their cards hidden from each other at all times – this is especially applicable to each other’s partners – cheating is frowned upon, and treated quite harshly in France.

The dealer will then place the next card face up on the table so that all players can see it. This is – potentially – the atout card.

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In the game your cards would not be visible – this is simply for illustrative purposes. As you can see above, you shouldn’t take atout as diamond, however your spade hand is very strong

Starting with the player who won the card pick at the beginning, and then proceeding  anti-clockwise, each player can then decide whether or not they wish to play, take the atout, and get the game rolling. If nobody wishes to take the first card offered play will go back around, starting with the first person who declined the initial card. There is then the opportunity to make any other card in your hand the atout card.

If the initial card is of no interest to any player, and nobody’s hand is deemed to be strong enough to select another suit to be atout, then each player must signal this by saying ‘deux’. If all players say ‘deux’ then the whole process starts again – the cards are split by the last person who dealt and the player sitting to their right then resplits the pack – again in the opposite way to how it was originally split – and deals out the cards. This process will repeat until someone chooses the initial card or decides they have a strong enough contender in their own hand.

So let’s say that you think you have a strong enough hand – and are prepared to take on the card that has been left by all the other players, including yourself – you elect to choose another suit and name it – simply saying hearts, diamonds, spades or clubs aloud (to be correct, and especially if you are playing with the natives, then use the French version of this, it will impress them).

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Here we see that you have selected the spade as the atout card. You have announced this to the table and the remaining cards have been dealt. Three to each of the other players and two to you. You now have a very strong hand – you picked up an extra atout with the seven and you also have Belote – the king and queen atout.

In this case – or in the case of the atout being chosen being the one initially placed – you take the card and the remaining cards are dealt as follows: you (or whoever chooses the atout) receive two cards, while all other players receive three cards each. There should be no cards left in the deck whatsoever – if there are, and it happens more often than you would think, then something has gone wrong and you need to ‘reset’.

But nothing has gone wrong! The atout is selected and play has commenced.  The idea now is – generally – to sniff out the other players’ atouts, and thus take out the ‘threat’ they pose to your game. I will go into more detail on the various ways you can do this in a later section, but for now we’ll stick with the basics.

So let’s say you selected the atout and you are in control of the game i.e it’s your turn to play. If you have the jack and the nine in your selection then you should play one of these – it does not matter which one because as noted earlier, these are the two most powerful cards and will ‘defeat’ all other atout. If your opponents have atout THEY MUST PLAY THEM. Ideally this initial play – let’s say of the jack – will bring you three of their atouts. So now you know there are four left – if you deduct your nine that means three. You should then play the nine and, hopefully, you will then take the remaining atouts.

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It was (ideally) your turn to play first, and you have played your jack. The player on your right has followed your play and put down the ten, your partner has played the eight and your other opponent has no atouts – as you can tell by their playing of a low value card that is of a different suit. You have four atouts left in your hand – you have three that you have just won, in front of you on the table, leaving just one atout to find – unfortunately it’s a biggie – the nine (note how I have put all cards in their corresponding suits? it greatly aids gameplay).

With the table now clear of atouts you are free to carry on playing the game as you would a normal card game. Thus if you play a king of hearts you will lose it if your opponent plays a ten, or an ace of hearts. But don’t forget, normal rules are back in play and so a nine is just back to being a plain old nine and is nothing special at all. Likewise a jack can be defeated by a queen, a king, a ten and an ace and is not the all powerful card it is when it is atout.

So let’s just imagine however, that there’s still an atout in play and, worst of all, your opponents have the best one – the nine. At this early stage in your playing you may not know who has it but, with experience, you will soon know who has what, and how to get it out of them. It’s not magic they use, these wily old French people, who seem to have an uncanny ability to figure you out – no, they just have great memories.

So there’s a rogue atout out there and it isn’t yours – you now have to be wary of losing your ace, or other high value cards to these atout because – say if you play the ace of spades and one of your opponents doesn’t have anything in that suit – they will cut your play with their atout and it’s bye-bye ace of spades!

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You’ve decided to flush out the remaining atout and have chosen to play the seven. You don’t need to use a higher card as there is only one remaining atout and, whether it’s in your partner’s hand or that of your opponent, IT MUST BE PLAYED – so why give away points? The player on your right plays the nine, as they have to, your partner plays the jack (Always give away your weakest card if you have to to your opponents, and so this shows that he has a very good hand if this is the weakest cad he has to play) and the remaining opponent then plays a ten (if your partner is winning a hand – and you don’t have a card in the winning suit – ALWAYS give them a high value card – unless you are saving certain cards for a better time).

The reverse is applicable too though, for instance if you start with a decent handful of atouts – let’s say five (always a nice amount) – and you end up with two spare after claiming all the rest. Then you can keep them to cut your opponents with when they play something you don’t have anything in the same suit as (always hope to cut an ace or a ten though – nothing worse than being ‘flushed out’ by a seven).

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The player who took the previous hand with the nine has played hearts, your partner has followed with a king and your other opponent has played an ace. As you do not have a heart you have no option but to cut this hand with your queen – saying ‘Belote!’ while doing so. You now take this hand and control is back with you. Note the two small piles of cards in each corner, these are each team’s respective ‘winnings’.

An additional word on cutting – if your partner plays a card that you do not have something of YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CUT HIM IF HE IS WINNING (see information on ‘maitre’ further on). This is something I can’t urge you enough to remember, unless it’s tactically advantageous to you (e.g: if you have figured out that by cutting your partner’s winning hand you will claim your opponent’s (yet to be played) ace) then DO NOT DO THIS. There is further information on this in the part 2 of this guide.

If your opponent plays a card however, in a suit that you do not have anything in, then YOU HAVE TO CUT. Don’t be surprised either – if you cut the play after your partner and one of your opponents, but before your other opponent – to see your other opponent hastily shuffling his hand and laying down something of much, much lower value than, say, the ace they had originally intended on playing.

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It’s your turn again and you’ve played your ace of diamonds. As there are no other atouts left in your opponent’s hands you are “maitre” – guaranteed to win. So your partner has given you the most points he can in that suit – the ten. As you can see the player on your right has no diamonds and so has given you a low-value card.

You may also hear the French referring to themselves as ‘maitre‘ or their partner or another player may ask if they are ‘maitre‘. This simply means that they are winning the hand, even if they have played something as trivial as a seven of hearts – and even if that is not atout – IF NO OTHER PLAYER HAS A CARD IN THE SAME SUIT, AND ALL ATOUT HAVE BEEN PLAYED, A CARD AS INSIGNIFICANT AS A SEVEN CAN WIN A HAND.

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Taking a gamble the ten of clubs is played, followed by the seven from the opponent on your right (as they don’t know who has the ace) your partner plays the queen and, unfortunately, your other opponent plays the ace, winning the hand and taking control of play.

You should really try keep spare atouts as last resorts, once the other atouts have been ‘sniffed out’ and always try to keep one till the very end if you can as this will  guarantee you win the last hand, and give you more points (more on this further down).

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So here the player to your left has played the king, you have to play your eight, his partner plays the eight of clubs (showing they only have low-scoring cards left, if they had anything better this is the point they would give it as – working out from the cards that have been played – their partner is maitre here and guaranteed to win the hand) and your partner plays the seven.

One final note on atouts regards Belote – or rather if you have the cards that constitute it – the king and queen of the chosen atout suit. If you do, when you play them you must say the word ‘BELOTE!’ when you place it down, it doesn’t matter if you play the king or queen first. When you place the second one of these cards down, again whichever one it doesn’t matter, you must then say ‘RE-BELOTE!’. It’s unlikely that your friends or family will pick you up on this if you play them – and penalising your lack of vocalisation of this by refusing you the points is also highly unlikely – however in competitive environments (should you reach those dizzy heights, and potentially win the first prize of…ham!) they may be more severe. Plus the French will love hearing you say it.

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The last hands are guaranteed to be yours – there are only two atout in play, and you have them. Some French players, at this point, lay the atout down on the table and the other players throw their cards in. We, however, will play the last two hands out. So this hand is yours and you regain control and retain it for the final hand…

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It’s all over! As you have taken the last hand – as well as having Belote – you will get a points bonus. Ten extra points for the last hand and twenty extra points for having Belote. This may not sound like much but can often be the difference between winning and losing a game.

So that’s a general overview of how to play the game, I’m sure you’ve already got questions (and I don’t blame you) but hopefully by playing the game, and reading my other blog posts on the subject, you will be able to get stuck in.

So now one last word on the most puzzling aspect of all for some – which until recently included myself – how to tally the points…

 

SCORING A GAME OF BELOTE

Carol Vorderman - Captured by Bapwatch.co.uk

 

So the values of cards are:

 

ATOUT

 

Jack = 20

Nine = 14

Ace = 11

Ten = 10

King = 4

Queen = 3

Seven = 0

Eight = 0

 

‘Belote’ – King and Queen atout held TOGETHER by any one player = 20 points

 

NON-ATOUT

Ace = 11

Ten = 10

King = 4

Queen = 3

Jack = 2

Nine = 0

Eight = 0

Seven = 0

10 points are also awarded for ‘Dix de der‘ which is the winning of the very last hand.

 

WINNING – AND LOSING – SCORES

You must have 82 points to win a game – minimum.

If you chose the atout and you do not meet the 82 point minimum the other team wins and will receive 162 points (182 if they have the Belote as well). This is known as ‘Dedans‘.

If you do the minimum then the other team gets your points (162) minus yours (e.g 162 – your 82 points means they get 80 points, or if you score 92 points then 162-92 = 70 and so on).

If you/your opponents choose the atout and win every hand then you/they win 252 points (272 with Belote) this is known a ‘Capot‘. This result differs at competitive levels (or where you are playing it with the natives) where the points you are awarded are lowered to 162 points (182 with Belote).

You need 1,000 points to win the game at competitions/playing with French natives (though this can vary).

If you are playing using the online app (more on that in a later blog) then this is lowered to 501.

 

So there you have it. I hope you have enjoyed reading my initial guide, and didn’t find it too tasking or wearying.  You may now feel free to read my other Belote guides, where I will be delving a bit deeper into Belote tips, hints, good and bad hands and how to use the online app.

 

falling-playing-cards

Why Zelda Will Always Be A Link To The Past For My Son And I…

02 Sunday Jul 2017

Posted by Phil in games

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

children, entertainment, Family, games, Gaming, Learning, Nintendo, Relationships, technology

Image result for zelda

 

December 2011, I’m flicking my WiiMote around in order to make my onscreen character – Link – defeat Ganon. The game I’m playing is Skyward Sword the swansong for the Wii console, and a fitting game for me to play to completion. The game concerns Link’s ongoing efforts to save the land of Hyrule from the main bad-guy, the aforementioned Ganon.

 

My almost-one-year-old son has been avidly watching me play it, which is fine as it’s a fairly cartoony, non-violent game (well, there are monsters to kill, but they aren’t gruesome kills, and there’s no blood). His big eyes follow my every move and, when I nip for a cup of tea, or to the toilet, I often return to find him waving the WiiMote at the screen. It’s a great moment when I finally defeat Ganon and give my son a cuddle, knowing I’ll never forget this moment.

 

Jump forward to 2017, my son is now 6-and-a-half and has his own gaming system, the Wii’s successor, the Nintendo WiiU. I say it’s his, but I bought it for myself, so he’s effectively stolen it from me, in that way that kids do. I don’t mind though, because I’ve bought myself a Nintendo Switch (which he will inevitably steal from me one day down the line). The one thing these two systems have in common? Zelda: Breath Of The Wild.

 

In a move that apes Nintendo’s previous one, this game is the swansong for the WiiU, but also a launch title for the Switch. It’s also an incredibly bonding experience for me and my son. He’s now of an age where he can play these games and understand most – if not all – of the game mechanics. Some of it is lost on him – the reams and reams of text detailing the various quests clearly go over his head. But that’s where daddy comes in.

 

As I am playing the game at the same time as he is – and am further ahead too – I’m always on hand to offer him guidance when he gets stuck. He talks about it nonstop, from the moment he wakes up, till the moment he goes to bed. I personally have no problem whatsoever with this, but it can wear on his mother’s nerves, as he is effectively speaking a different language to her when he talks about the game.

 

It’s incredible how far he’s come since those days back in 2011, when he was merely an observer. Indeed he’s even teaching me a few tricks; it’s like having a mini co-pilot. These games aren’t released very often, so I’m savouring it, trying to make it last. I can see he wants to rush through though, but thankfully his lack of grasping the finer details means that I can slow the pace down.

 

His time on the game is monitored (I fully believe that he would play it from sun-up to sun-down if he could) and it’s taken away if he misbehaves. I’m a parent who believes that gaming, in reasonable doses, is not only a positive thing for kids but beneficial too. Gaming is much more interactive than just watching a film, or a TV series. It also enhances hand-eye coordination and improves fine-motor skills.

 

I love the discussions we have, the thousand-and-one questions he hurls at me every day, the many, many drawings he does, of the many, many characters in the game. He’s even created pictorial books – yes, books! – detailing the adventures he’s undertaken in the game. When he himself runs out of steam, or finds a certain character a bit too difficult to draw, then he calls on me to aid him (I’m OK at tracing but have no real natural talent, my son does though, he has a certain style that I think is fantastic).

 

It’s a fantastic thing to see, his big eyes shining with awe as he talks about his latest run-in with one of the game’s baddies. The many fist-bumps we share with each other when one, or the other, solves a riddle, or defeats a particularly troublesome baddie. He’s got a lot of patience too, for a six-year-old, I’ve yet to see him get angry. Whenever he gets defeated – even if it’s for the 20th time – he simply dusts himself off (metaphorically speaking) and gets stuck right back in.

 

It won’t be long though before we meet Ganon, and defeat him, bringing this fantastic game to an end. This time however we won’t only do it together, but also together: he on his system and me on mine.

 

Then it will just be a case of waiting another 5 years or so for the next instalment…then I’m fairly sure he will be the master, and I the apprentice…

An Idiot’s Guide To Running A Welly-Wanging Stall…

02 Saturday Jul 2016

Posted by Phil in games, school

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

children, funny, games, Humor, kids, outdoors, Parenting, school, stay-at-home Dad

welly_1888389i

 

 

I watch in horror as the heavy piece of rubber hurtles skyward, completely off course and heading straight for a family of four. There’s a mum, a dad  a toddler and a baby in a pram. Thankfully – and I use that term in the loosest possible sense – dad feels the full force of the welly. This gloriously sunny Sunday is not going well, I think to myself. And this is only the first 30 minutes. I’m manning the stall for three hours. Three hours. But surely that’s the worst thing that can happen on the welly-wanging stall isn’t it?

 

Nope.

 

I do a lot of volunteering in my village, partly to keep myself active, partly to feel part of the community and partly to keep my CV looking relatively healthy (some people don’t see ‘stay-at-home-dad’ as a worthwhile usage of time – they think we sit around all day playing PS4, when in actual fact we spend all our time writing articles that overuse the word ‘partly’ for our world-famous blogs *cough cough*). One of the groups I help out with is the local PTA.

 

I helped them run a Minion-themed night a few weeks back. There were over a hundred kids. Then we put minions in the room. Then we gave the kids pop and sweets.

 

I’m still having nightmares about that one

 

Kind-heartedly – or foolishly, you decide – I offered to help them out again at the summer fair. A yearly event involving inflatable castles, face painting, tombolas and lots of confusing games. They all cost either 50p or £1. That’s generally the upper limit for a school gala. Anything costing more than that is frowned upon.

 

I’m asked to man the ‘welly-wanging’ stall, and nod my head in agreement. ‘That’ll be a doddle’ I think to myself. ‘After all they do it every year’.

 

‘We’ve never done this before’ says the head of the PTA to me, on the aforementioned gloriously sunny Sunday, as he ambles past. ‘Good luck’. I set up my stall and mark out the ‘target area’, thinking as I do that it’s rather close – some might say dangerously so – to the football stall next to it. After I’ve marked out the target zone I set out my wellies, or wellington boots, there’s three different sizes, for the three different age-ranges we have. So small ones for the 3-7 year-old bracket, medium for the 7-11-year-old bracket, and really heavy ones for the ‘adult’ bracket.

 

I then look at the prizes. The youngsters get a toy tractor, the middle kids get a box of chocolates, and the 11 and over category get a bottle of wine. I point out that this means in theory we can have a 12-year-old walking away from a school fair with the top prize of alcohol in their hands.

 

The PTA hastily agrees that we should ‘Contact the parent of the winning thrower, and make sure they accept it’.

 

Before I continue I should probably give you some information about the wild and crazy world of wellies, and indeed welly wanging.

 

Here’s a welly:

 

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Want to know what welly-wanging actually is? Here’s some info from Wikipedia:

 

Welly wanging is a sport that originated in Britain in Upperthong, Holmfirth. Competitors are required to hurl a Wellington boot as far as possible within boundary lines, from a standing or running start. A variation requires participants to launch the welly from the end of their foot as if they were kicking off a pair of shoes. The high level of competition has led to precise, highly regulated rules for the sport. The sport is regulated and administered by the World Welly Wanging Association, based in Upperthong

 

They must have been really, really bored one day to have come up with this ‘sport’.

 

I open for business at 1pm prompt and, at first, think I’m in for a quiet day. People stroll up, look at me, look at my wellies, smile somewhat pityingly and then carry on to the hook-a-duck stall instead.

 

But things soon pick up. I’ve got an assistant you see, a ten-year=old lad from the school who loves drumming up business. ‘COME AND WANG A WELLY’  he shouts. And when that doesn’t work he effectively encourages/bullies his school friends into having a go. We soon start cashing in, especially with our attractive price – 50p a go.

 

Things go wrong when the adults get involved.

 

The kids, in either category, are limited by their development. The adults have no such limitations. Some truly monstrous looking men begin having a go at hurling the wellies as far as they can, and any fears I had of a 12-year-old walking away with the wine are soon put to rest. No 12-year-old has a hope against some of these man mountains.

 

It’s one of these behemoths who hits the daddy and his family. But daddy’s ok, he laughs it off. But I’m worried, more for the kid in the pram than anything. ‘This wasn’t on the risk assessment’, I think to myself. ‘These people are too close to the stall, it’s a health and safety nightmare’.

 

The headmaster passes me by and stops for a chat. ‘Everything ok?’ he asks me. ‘Not really’ I say to him, ‘These people are too close to the stall, it’s a health and safety nightmare’. He nods his head, ‘Yeah, we should have covered that on the risk assessment’, then he ambles off.

 

The next victim is a young chap, he’s chilled out, enjoying the sun with his friends. This enjoyment soon ends when a size 10 welly smacks him straight in the face. We’re lucky though, he’s 13 and brushes it off, saving the bragging rights for later.

 

Another adult strolls up, he’s not muscly, but you can tell he’s got power. He’s just got that ‘coiled spring’ look about him. He takes a run up, winds his arm back ‘This one’s a winner’ I think to myself. Then the welly disappears. Backwards. He’s thrown it 20-feet behind him, nearly taking out the entire dance class that’s scheduled to perform within the next hour. ‘It can’t get worse than this can it’ I say, to no-one in particular, looking off into the middle distance, wondering if I could just walk off and leave my stall….

 

The worst thing then happens.

 

A mum and her three kids roll up at the stall, they look like they’re having fun, and they’ve clearly made the effort for the fancy dress competition. Mummy is dressed as one of the Pink ladies from Grease, son is Buzz Lightyear and daughter is generic Disney Princess. They look like they want to ‘have a wang’. So does the 11-year-old next to them. But he’s already paid so he has first dibs. He takes a run up and, WANG!

 

The welly doesn’t even get over the starting line. No, it promptly takes a 90-degree left-turn straight into little miss generic Disney Princess’ face. The tears are immediate and the cries are loud. Mum looks at me, I apologise profusely. ‘It’s alright’ she says to me, ‘I think she’s just a bit tired’. I look at the little girl, who now has the imprint of a size 8 wellington boot on her face and think to myself ‘Yes, it’s definitely fatigue, not concussion’.

 

It’s late, I’ve had enough and so I pack up the stall and head off towards the exit, pausing as I do to drop the money off with one of the PTA ladies. ‘Same time next year?’ she says to me jovially. ‘Next year’ I say to her ‘I’m doing the hook-a-duck stall’.

 

The main reason I wanted kids… so I could play hide and seek again.

08 Saturday Aug 2015

Posted by Phil in games

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

children, France, fun, games, Humor, kids, Parenting, stay-at-home Dad

hide-and-seek4I’m wedged between a tallboy and a wardrobe; the air is musty and thick with dust and I’ve just realised that my inhaler is back at home. That’s not my main concern right now though – something’s just fallen on my head and I’m pretty sure it’s a pair of Grandma’s knickers; but I knew this might happen, I knew the risks, after all I used to play hide and seek all the time – when I was young.

It’s during our current stay in France that I’ve had a chance to revisit a much-loved game of my youth. As an adult, if you suggest having a game of hide and seek – or ‘cache-cache’ as it’s called over here – you get some funny looks. And a search on Google for ‘adult games’ yields results of quite a different nature, to those you were after.

Like most people, I loved hide and seek, tigs, British Bulldog et al when I was young. But then things changed as you grew up. The allure of home computers, Sky TV, Super Nintendos, VHS, Gameboys and game girls proved too much. This, and the harsh realities of homework and ‘proper’ school meant that these games became a thing of the past, and a little bit of childhood magic died.

Having kids has rekindled that old magic, as there’s now a perfectly valid reason to play those games of old, all over again. It’s incredible how quickly it all comes back to you, those feelings you thought you’d never have again, the anticipation of being found out, the tension as the footsteps draw closer, and the incredulity as they seem to look straight at you…and then carry on by.

We play our game of hide and seek at the aforementioned French Grandma’s house. It’s not the biggest of places and, to my expert eyes, seems to hold about nine really good hiding places. I’m playing with my son, who’s four, and his three French cousins, who range in ages from nine to thirteen. They’re good sports and we have lots of fun, although my son’s years betray him, as he constantly gets the giggles – it’s a case of hearing him before seeing him.

There are also traitors at play in this house of fun – my nineteen-month-old daughter takes great delight in waiting till I’ve succesfully disguised myself as a corner unit, with the missus’ handbag obscuring my massive adult head. She then casually approaches me and repeats the word ‘daddy’ until I am caught out. The house dog is also up to no good – occasionally popping in to stand rigidly a few feet from someone’s hiding place, head pointing at the (no-longer-quite-so) hidden player.

We all get a bit carried away as the day progresses, our hiding places getting ever more creative. My son empties the entirety of Grandma’s underwear drawer in a flurry (contents of which land on daddy’s head, thanks son), something that hasn’t happened since the end of World War 2, and attempts to climb inside. I, meanwhile, forget my size and nearly break several priceless heirlooms, and what appears to be an Urn, contents unknown.

We head outside, for a change of pace, to play a bit of musical statues, another evergreen favourite. This game doesn’t go down so well, and the choice of music concerns me somewhat. I’m the designated DJ and the only track available, on this French gizmo whose workings are unknown to me, is Ellie Goulding’s ’Love Me Like You Do’. I’m keenly aware of playing musical statues, with a group of children, using the main tune to the film 50 Shades Of Grey.

We rest then, and have a bit of dinner. I suspect my daughter of having left me a present in her pants, as an ungodly reek fills the air, but someone’s just unwrapped some very pungent French cheese*. Oh well, I think, we won’t need dogs or my daughter to give the game away now when we resume our game of cache-cache. If anyone eats that cheese with their dinner, we’ll be able to smell them before we see them.

*The missus has asked me to point out that this comes across as a bit of a stereotype, you know, the French and smelly cheese. However I would like to reinforce that this actually happened. The smell was so bad that one of our party, a Parisian, had to actually get up and leave the table. So you can see how my first thought was that my daughter was responsible.

Mr Mum: The ‘Joy’ Of being a stay-at-home dad

Mr Mum: The ‘Joy’ Of being a stay-at-home dad
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