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I’ve just passed my partner on our upstairs’ landing.

She was talking to a chest of drawers.

‘Has confinement gotten to you so much that you’re talking to furniture now?’ I asked as I slipped by her.

‘I was talking to you’ she muttered darkly.

I didn’t believe her.

‘It’s not Beauty And The Beast you know’ I said to her as I went down the stairs ‘They won’t talk back’.

I think it’s the sofa for me tonight.