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Ok, so I’m not as ‘down with the kids’ as I used to be. I try to stay up-to-date with some things for my children’s benefit, so I can relate to them and keep an eye on what they are up to. This isn’t so important now, but will become so as they get older, and their tastes ‘mature’.


I still keep my finger on the pulse of video-gaming for this reason so that, in the not-too-distant future, I will know what games are suitable for my children to play on. That’s my excuse to my partner anyway, I’m a born gamer and will probably have a joy pad in my hands on my deathbed.


That being said there will be no underage Grand Theft Auto 9 playing in this household!


Getting back to the point I’m failing to make though, I know it’s trendy for pop-stars to hyper-sexualise themselves and grab certain parts of their anatomy when they are onstage, it’s what their fans want and it drives the crowds wild. Hell, Michael Jackson was doing it years ago.


But I don’t want to see this in the toys that my children buy.


Clearly Kinder do not agree with me, as shown here by a little ‘surprise’ that my son found in his latest egg:




So you could argue that this small plastic bird is merely pointing to the ground and will then point to the sky afterwards (or would anyway if he wasn’t a lump of plastic) as part of his dance act. I don’t think so. He looks like he’s cupping himself on stage to me. As if someone has taken the spirit of Justin Bieber and inserted him into a small plastic bird.


Maybe it will be like Child’s Play, the seminal 1988 horror-film where the doll is infused with the spirit of a serial killer. Only instead of a serial killer it will be a young man with a penchant for tattoos, and (allegedly) headbutting people.


Oh I hope not, I don’t want to be woken at 3 a.m to the sounds of ‘Baby, baby, baby oooooh’ I think I’d prefer the serial killer to that.


Do I need this in the toys I buy for my kids? Do I have to explain to a six-year-old why the bird has his hand ‘down there’? No, I don’t so, Kinder, how’s about leaving the crotch grabbing where it belongs – onstage.