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I enter the kids’ play room to see my (recently turned) six-year-old son with his underpants and trousers around his ankles:


Me: ‘What are you doing?’



My Son: ‘I’m just checking my willy because it’s longer now because I’m six now and it will be getting bigger so I’m just checking that it’s bigger’



Me: ‘……….oh alright then but could you put it away now, and next time can you check that after your sister has finished her breakfast?….and when she’s not sat right next to you….?’




We are driving around the local city admiring the Christmas lights up in local houses, we head further afield and see some really crazy displays. The kids love it and we end up near where I used to live many years ago, I tell the kids this as we pull up outside my old home. As we head off my son starts talking about my history of habitation:


My Son: ‘Did you live there before you lived with me and Mamou?’



Me: ‘Eh?’



My Son: ‘Before you lived with me and Mamou did you live there?’



Me: ‘I lived with Mamou son, then you came along and then your sister’.



My Son: ‘No, no, I lived with Mamou, then you came to live with us, and then my sister came to live with us’



Me: ‘I’m not going to argue with you son, but there’s a pretty glaring flaw in your logic there buddy…..’



We are sat at home, next to the twinkling Christmas tree, there’s a nativity scene depicting Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus next to the fireplace. We are planning a move to France soon and, obviously putting these two elements together, my son comes out with this beauty:



My Son: ‘Will we pay taxes in France?’



Mamou: ‘What?’



My Son: ‘Will we pay taxes in France?’



Mamou: ‘Of course we will, why do you ask?’



My Son: ‘Well it’s just that Mary and Joseph had to pay taxes so I just wanted to know if we will have to pay taxes too’




Yes, only six years old and yet already aware of one of life’s harshest realities: taxes are one of the only two certainties in this life. The longer I can keep him ignorant of the other one, the better I’ll like it.