Marvel at the beauty of my creation. Cast your eyes upon the handcrafted glory that is, the advent calendar of advent calendars:
At approximately four foot tall and being remarkably less stable than it appears, this Xmas-edifice should be a warning to all parents out there, to wit: ‘MAKE SURE YOU BUY AN ADVENT CALENDAR IN TIME, OR YOU’LL SPEND THE 30TH OF NOVEMBER FIGHTING WITH SELLOTAPE, SCISSORS AND TISSUES, LIKE I DID’.
Yes a mere six-and-a-half man hours, and several pounds worth of paper, tissues and sellotape brought this creation to life. It also tested the strength of my relationship with my partner when, after a hard day’s work, she came home and I made her help me finish it.
Oh yes and your eyes don’t deceive you, there’s no door. A fact even my five-year-old son noticed, and pointed out to me, again and again ‘It’s all windows daddy, where’s the door daddy? Where’s the door daddy? Where’s the door daddy?…..’ etc etc.
Note the non-festive use of daring colours, on the frugally taped house sign. Santa’s Advent Calendar eschews the traditional reds and whites, and instead opts for a more ‘anything goes’ kind of vibe, as befits a sign drawn by a 39-year-old man, and coloured in by a 5-year-old boy.
The artistry doesn’t end with the sign though, oh no. My son is very keen on his drawing and here he’s drawn a man, as he puts it, ‘waving hello from the side of the house’. Others may argue that the man is in fact screaming for help, and asking to be set free, from this nightmare before Christmas, that daddy has imprisoned him in.
Or he may just be saying ‘I can’t get out, the door is too small’.
As you can see each ‘window’ (and I use the term in the loosest possible sense) is carefully numbered, so that each child can – very carefully – reach inside to see what surprises await.
Could it be a chocolate? Could it be a Playmobil figure? Or maybe it will be that green farting thing, from the bottom of that weird tree stump, that stings the bloke from Blue Peter’s hand, when he fails to pass the test in Flash Gordon (1980)? (not the last one, they were sold out).
It’s all in the details, as everybody knows, and I kept that in mind when adding my final touches. Yes despite the professional appearance (you can almost smell the smoke, can’t you?) this is merely a toilet roll tube, with a piece of tissue paper twisted around and stuck inside it.
Getting the angle on the tube is the tricky part, which is why I have gone against conventions and INTENTIONALLY set it at an unusual angle. In the real world you don’t see chimneys set at angles like this, that’s because the real world is boring. Have I used the word angle enough in this paragraph? Angle angle angle angle angle. There, that should do it.
More art here, on the other side of the calendar house, from my talented son. He has happy clouds, Santa’s sleigh, a set of merry bells and a man running away from a mutated spider, that seems to want to mate with him. Ahhh, festive fun.
So, if any parents out there are pondering whether or not to go all arts and crafts and build their own advent calendar, by all means have a go. It’s creative fun, keeps everybody happy and occupied, and it really helps if you are bald, as you won’t have any hair to pull out when things get stressful.
And that will happen.
It was memorable, my children love it, I’m not sure it will last till Christmas day….and next year?