I wish you’d make up your bloody mind son, this is the third time this month we’ve come out to the lake and every time it’s the same.
‘Can I bring my bike Daddy?’ you say to me, your big eyes even larger than usual.
Of course I agree.
And now look at me – I’ve got a bike on my shoulder.
Halfway round the lake and a slight incline causes my son to stop pedaling.
The going’s got, slightly, tough. The tough have got off their bike.
He’s alright. He’s running in the fallen leaves, playing with his stick.
You ever tried carrying a bike (suitable for ages 3 – 6) home?
They aren’t designed for adults (They’re suitable for ages 3-6) so pain’s involved any which way you choose.
You can walk along holding it, you will be guaranteed to look like Caesar, the simian leader from Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes if you do this, shuffling along, bent over (unless you are Tom Cruise, then this does not apply).
Carry it, see how long that lasts, it’s surprising how quickly these things start giving your muscles that lovely burning sensation.
I plump for wedging it on my shoulder, using the gap between the seat and rear wheel. This is painful, but I can bear it. I can’t turn my head though. Pedals in the way. I did that once, it hurt.
I pass people as I walk round the lake, they give me strange looks. Not the dads though. They know my pain, their eyes say, my son does it every time too.
My son’s happy, he’s jumping between ditches now, getting his new shoes nice and dirty. I look at the lake, I bet if they dredged it, I think to myself, they’d find 3 shopping trolleys, a car and 32 bikes (suitable for ages 3-6). Chucked in by dads like me, who’d finally snapped.
I look ahead, only another mile-and-a-half to go. By the way, did I mention I’m pushing his sister along on her trike too?
Soon there will be 33 bikes (suitable for ages 3-6) in that lake, I think, as the bike bites into my shoulder.